What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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