I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
