Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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