there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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