The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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