I just pynch a tree in the face
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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