Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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