Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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