I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
