It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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