____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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