I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got inside last night via doggy door
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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