can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
