I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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