party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
