Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
