I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
