I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
