trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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