How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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