i just had sex bonerless
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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