I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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