***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize