I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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