I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
