Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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