so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
