Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
