dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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