Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
