Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
