Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pants are for mortals
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
