I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
