omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
