My balls are so social today.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
