sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
