I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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