Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
