I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
