you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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