How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
