If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
