so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
