I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
