I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
