woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
