Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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