She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
