shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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