hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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