you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
a search helicopter?!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize