I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
