At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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