just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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