Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
