I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
