thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
