i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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