Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
