Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
my liver is dry heaving
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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