I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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