We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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