Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
