the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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