I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
