Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
