is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
