Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
